Saturday, 12 May 2018 14:23

“I am sick of hearing your heavy breathing at night”

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“She turned to me, looked directly in my eyes and said, ‘I am sick of hearing your heavy breathing at night.” What words are you saying to your loved ones?

During one of the married couples’ meetings at Church which I am privileged to have facilitated, I separated the women from the men, and asked each member to pick a partner of the same sex and be open about their best and worst experiences in their marriages and the specific behaviors that led to them. The revelations were life changing.

Here is feedback from one of the members:

“I have been married to my wife for about seven years now. We have been close friends. At least that is how she made me believe. After spending nearly night sleeping in the same bed (which is not of the mazongoto type i.e. in our small bed, and therefore close to each other), I decided to tell her just one thing which I felt. So one night, as we went to bed at about 10pm, I turned to her and whispered to her ear in the softest tone I could manage “My love. Thanks a lot for the care. And those two beautiful kids. I love you.” She turned, looked at me and smiled, saying, I love you too. When I am 80 years, and I look back at my earlier years, I will think about this moment, and tell my friends, “I had a great time with the father of my kids.”

Because she usually has a hectic day. She soon fell deep asleep. I stayed awake. Trying to think about my life. Where we have come from. The challenges encountered, choices made and the future opportunities and how to tap into them. As all these went into my minds, I realized that it is good feeling to have your minds wonder. And that moment is great. I loved the quietness and the serenity of it all.

That night felt great for me. The next morning, as my wife was waking up early to go to her busy work, I asked for a hug. She stopped, looked at me and gave me a beautiful hug. It feels great to be loved right.

In the evening, I came back home late. And I found my wife had already had dinner with the children. She did not come to serve me, and I took offense. It was just 10pm. Why would my wife just ignore me completely? Is it because she earns a lot more than I do. I went to the bedroom and found her smiling, looking on her phone screen. She raised her head, stared at me, and then back at her phone screen and continued to laugh. I went close to also look at what was making her smile. She suddenly closed the phone. I asked why, she said, can’t someone not have privacy? I said it is ok. I understand. But is that why you cannot serve me dinner? She said haven’t you eaten? If you want to be served, be early at home. And said, what if it is not possible to be early at home like today? She said, then you get the house help to serve you. I said, that is bad. I don’t like that behavior. I am your husband and you must serve me well. This is the second time you are doing it and I don’t like it. That is when she turned to me, looked me in the eyes and dropped bombshell on my face: ‘I also don’t like some of the things you do. I am sick of hearing your heavy breathing at night”.

Here I was, just a night of having felt the best night sleeping next to my wife. It was so quiet. Serene and lovely. I had my minds wonder and felt good being by her side. I then realized that, I had not been communicating very well. Most of the time, we just go to bed. And she had no one to talk to. She decided to turn to her phone and got so many friends sharing so many stories. Although my heavy breathing is something I know I have been with, the way it was communicated to me was harsh. However, I had to go to the Doctor to get to the bottom of the problem: it was due to my bad late night eating habits and much weight. Start communicating with your partner.


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Mustapha B. Mugisa

Mustapha B. Mugisa is one of those rare people who provide value-based consulting to professionals and corporate entities who demand the very best. He is a prolific speaker, a strategy, risk and anti-fraud expert.

So many youth out there are obsessed about the Internet. They are missing Church as they 'update their social network statuses.' My mission is to bring the Church to the youth by giving a website to every Church. Under his Mustapha Mugisa Foundation, he teaches the youth in life skills free of charge. Join us and gain free life chaning skills, contact us today. Want to get side income? What to be a winner? Join us today and unleash your potential.   

Mustapha provides tools and proven methodologies to remarkable results through making people appreciate change. For a change, have Mustapha keynote your business event, and you’ll get bold insights. His daily updated blog,  is highly acclaimed for providing practical insights for your career growth.

His prolific publishing includes Summit Business magazine,  which started in October 2008, and is now a leading source of business and finance in Uganda. He is the author of the personal growth book on Amazon, Your Three Keys to A Worry Free Life.

Do you want to take your business to the next level? Do you want to breathe life into your business function? Invite Mustapha as a speaker, and have your team’s morale through the roof! Mustapha is the Architect of WinningMindset® Leadership.

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